When you join a sugar daddy dating website, what do you expect to find? The love of your life? A quick and hopefully painless one night stand? No matter the reason, sugar daddies and babies are everywhere. What are you writing in your profile to tell people who you are and what you are looking for? You are very fun and you like to have fun? Here’s what past sugar daddies had to say…
Before There Was Sugar Sugar
Are you aggressive? Do you use strong words to convey what you are looking for? As part of a daily occurrence, I came across some awesome profiles! Amazing photos and words I thought I’d share with you. They are WHAT NOT TO DO– thanks for letting me get that out, no more caps, I promise. The following profile excerpts are what not to do and why: (Oh, and to turn this blog into a drinking game, every time someone says “fun“– you must take a drink… I promise the article will be funnier too)
NSA Sugar Daddy John
“Bought out by major auto company. Got a part time job for fun. Like golf, skating ,keeping busy. Not a fat ass or pervert or wierdo, just a little shy I guess. I’m thinkin’ maybe drop by or get together a couple times a month or so. 100 bucks an hour for an hour , maybe 2. Have a cocktail, fool around, a little sex, fun and then just go on your way.”
Wow, what a romantic…
That’s Basically It Sugar Baby
“I Love to sing, dance and Laugh and have fun … I also like fashion & switching up my hair styles.. Last But Not Least I’m a Certifed Phlebotomist.. And that’s Basically it..”
That’s basically it? Well, that’s not very interesting. What is going on with this sugar baby’s photo? That may be the ultimate in unflattering photo angles.
Sugar Baby Means Business
“.people say i look like Julia styles, funny we share the same birth date shes 3 years older yet no relation. small world huh. I am going to be blunt cuz its what i do best …..i need to get on my own two feet and i need some help getting there. I am smart and cut through bullshit like a hot knife through butter. I can be your best friend or your worst enemy but i stand my ground and do what i need to do to survive. I am looking for a plutonic financial helper…the rewards are great i am a great dinner guest fun and someone to spend time with ….if your looking for fun and someone to fuck wrong gal not into it for this not going to happen. I need a temporary helper one whome can get me where i need to be, i am a great companion and will have you on the floor laughing if you have a good sence of humor. Ill say it like this the economy sucks, and i need help to get what i need done done. i need a helper whose willing to pay me for my time….not services i will not sell my body my mind or soul its already taken. i need a temp arrangement where its plutonic and mutually agreed. what i am willing to offer in return for money is the following. a plutonic dinner guest for fun, a house sitter/cleaner. someone who can make you laugh and smile and be everything you want in a girl , just no sex no action sorry gentleman with all do respect i prize my body and its not up for sale.”
I’m glad she’s looking for a plutonic helper, a temp plutonic helper, a temp arrangement. Just don’t fuck with her, or fuck her, either way, she’ll cut you like a hot knife through butter!
Homeless With a Computer and a Plan
Ahem– and a baby?!? I’m speechless.
Brunette Sugar Baby Wants
This came straight from the horses mouth:
“iam a simple girl smart ,comique ,romantic and very honest
and i love people
i can do my best for help people and have fun
alot of things and i dont want describe it
im a brunette who likes to have funn and i can b a real bitch if you cross me
call me when needed have fun pay me n never forget ur day”
Does anyone know what’s going on in this photo, what does it even say about this sugar baby? Anyone? Anyone? Yes, it simply states that she doesn’t give a shit and doesn’t want you to either.
No Strings Attached to Anything SB
Oh yeah– that’s a real photo. A really bad photo of a sugar baby… I think.
“NO SEX!!! OF ANY TYPE… I am willing to give my time and effort to make you happy though. so yeah if you are interested in fun email me.
im nice and sweet and kind but can get mean when stepping on my toes… I’m a very lovely woman and a queen and wants to be treated like one!!!”
Another Great Profile
“In my free time, I’m always reading new textbooks (I’m a dork!) or working out and having fun, which I do every weekday. Any other time is spent working as a technician or acting or singing. I’m a natural mezzo-soprano and I love to sing Christmas carols and have fun
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”
Nice. Have fun.