June 6, 2011
Dear Mr. Weiner’s Weiner,
While we know it’s been a hard day and your boss will likely pull out of the mayoral race, it has come to our attention that your celebrity status is on the rise. You’re only inches away from stardom, and as the most famous bulge in America, we can think of no one better to head our spokesperson campaign. We thought long and hard about this decision, and have come to the conclusion that it would be in our best interest to extend an offer and declare Weiner’s Weiner the talking head for www.SugarSugar.com, to share your brains, prowess and chutzpah with our users. Not to mention your no strings attached sugar daddy approach.
We’re not going to beat around the bush — SugarSugar.com is a dating website that connects financially-established men with women interested in the “sugar” lifestyle. Sugar Sugar aims to facilitate mutually rewarding relationships between “Sugar Daddy” and “Sugar Baby” members, and with over 40 million Americans accessing online dating websites every month, Sugar Sugar offers qualified members something sweeter.
To be clear, we’re not just looking for another figure head, we’re looking for someone, a rich sugar daddy, who truly embodies the spirit of SugarSugar.com, as is apparent by your lust for younger women on the internet. At the same time, we’re looking for someone who is level-headed and will refrain from blowing their load amidst the harsh lights of the media circus your picture has aroused.
SugarSugar.com will offer you $50,000, but you can feel free to lie about the size of your paycheck. We’re happy to stuff your pockets, and this will be the easiest money you’ll ever come by. We would love for you to Tweet about our website as well, however long it may take for you to type 140 characters with the one finger hunt and peck method…
We need a firm answer by the stroke of midnight; otherwise, we’ll be forced to give you the shaft and instead extend our offer to Plaxico Burress, who we’ve heard also prefers to keep a loaded pistol in the crotch of his pants.
We look forward to your response.
Enjoying the Sugar Daddy Lifestyle since 2009