Dear Mr. Weiner’s Weiner,

While we know it’s been a hard day and your boss will likely pull out of the mayoral race, it has come to our attention that your celebrity status is on the rise.  You’re only inches away from stardom, and as the most famous bulge in America, we can think of no one better to head our spokesperson campaign.  We thought long and hard about this decision, and have come to the conclusion that it would be in our best interest to extend an offer and declare Weiner’s Weiner the talking head for www.SugarSugar.com, to share your brains, prowess and chutzpah with our users. Not to mention your no strings attached sugar daddy approach.

We’re not going to beat around the bush — SugarSugar.com is a dating website that connects financially-established men with women interested in the “sugar” lifestyle. Sugar Sugar aims to facilitate mutually rewarding relationships between “Sugar Daddy” and “Sugar Baby” members, and with over 40 million Americans accessing online dating websites every month, Sugar Sugar offers qualified members something sweeter.

To be clear, we’re not just looking for another figure head, we’re looking for someone, a rich sugar daddy, who truly embodies the spirit of SugarSugar.com, as is apparent by your lust for younger women on the internet.  At the same time, we’re looking for someone who is level-headed and will refrain from blowing their load amidst the harsh lights of the media circus your picture has aroused.

SugarSugar.com will offer you $50,000, but you can feel free to lie about the size of your paycheck.  We’re happy to stuff your pockets, and this will be the easiest money you’ll ever come by.  We would love for you to Tweet about our website as well, however long it may take for you to type 140 characters with the one finger hunt and peck method…

We need a firm answer by the stroke of midnight; otherwise, we’ll be forced to give you the shaft and instead extend our offer to Plaxico Burress, who we’ve heard also prefers to keep a loaded pistol in the crotch of his pants.

We look forward to your response.

Warmly,

Paul Madison

CEO

SugarSugar.com

Enjoying the Sugar Daddy Lifestyle since 2009

It’s neither full of prostitutes or call-girls.

A real sugar daddy is not always a “rich sugar daddy”, sometimes he’s humble, hard-working, and has a little bit of extra cash to spend on a special lady friend each month. It’s not far from the conventional dating world, it just has a cute name.

The sugar daddy lifestyle doesn’t always consist of lies which need to be fact-checked. It can be a very honest way of life, since the question of personal finance is already on the table. In-fact, there are no precursors to having the “money” conversation even on the first date.

Here are 10 exciting and enviable traits of the sugar daddy lifestyle:

10. Your sugar baby calls you a “Rich Sugar Daddy”, even if you’re far from it. Hey, it wins you points with her available friends.

9. You have to start adding creative physical traits to your contact list. You can only have so many Nicoles and Laurens before you have to get really specific with each one.

8. Your dance card is always full, even if you don’t want it to be. These girls are hungry and they want you, like, now!

7. The ladies finally understand what a “No String Attached Sugar Daddy” is, no awkward explanation necessary.

6. You are Aloof for the first time in your miserable life, kudos.

5. You get to use the word “no” for once, or twice… You don’t want to double-book sugar babies!

4. Your most annoying personality quirks are now the object of sugar baby’s desires. Don’t question it, just bask in it.

3. You answer more commonly to The Most Interesting Man in the World than even The Most Interesting Man in the World does, now that’s something!

2. Your attire has increasingly become more dapper than you ever dreamed it could. It’s okay to notice those things

1. You adhere to the strict “sugar daddy code” that was set eons before you. No, you cannot talk about the “sugar daddy code”. If you don’t know what the “sugar daddy code” is, ask your mom.

Think you have what it takes to become the next great sugar daddy? Tell it to the droves of women who adorn the pages of SugarSugar, I dare ya!

Tyra Banks welcomes our sugar babies to her show today, The Tyra Banks Show! Tyra, open-minded and a big supporter of sugar daddy dating, sheds light on the newly common dating niche.

It used to be that the most common misconceptions and misdiagnosed mental diseases arose from the mere mention of sugar daddy dating. Underground and unaccepted, sugar daddies and babies only whispered of their dating lives, publicly shunning the lifestyle.

Now, sugar babies shout their experiences from mountain tops– or on Macbooks in their single-room apartment flats in a modest pair of Jimmy Choos.

The host of America’s Next Top Model welcomes sugar babies with a wide and skinny embrace. She takes them in like mama-hen, prodding and picking at them like mama does so well. Our SugarSugar.com sugar babies hold their own on Tyra’s show, letting viewers into the sweet (and sometimes salty) world they live in.

Attention sugar babies of all shapes, sizes, and colors:

• Wear your sugar badge of glory on your sleeve and fly your cotton candy flag  proudly!

• You deserve the sweetness a sugar baby lifestyle provides, don’t be embarrassed by your greatness and beauty!

• So you like nice things, so you want an education, you crave ‘men’torship from successful men, so what?!?

Who wouldn’t want those things? You are just honest about it! Tyra Banks commends your honesty and scoffs at fake bimbos, in other words, don’t be a fake bimbo…

To all new sugar babies and veterans of the old dating game, Tyra welcomes you to the sweeter life, you deserve it!

View her profile here: www.SugarSugar.com/Kacey_Jordan

Want to be her sugar daddy? You’ll have to sign up at SugarSugar.com

Want to Vote for Kacey as the Mistress of the Millennium? CLICK HERE

Typically, men are pigeon-holed into spending oodles of dough for the February 14th V-day event on the woman in their life, whether they are smitten or not. Mistress Day, on February 13th, provides an exciting alternative for men to appreciate the women they have actual love for, their mistresses! Now before I excuse you for your wavering attention and disgust, let me simply explain the current role of the mistress in our society: The mistress is just a strong woman who gets her way. Sometimes she dates married men, which is of no consequence to her. More often than not, though, her role is to take control of situations with men whom she spends her time. If she wants attention, affection, adoration or gifts, then she damn well get it!

Mistress Day is quite a departure from Valentine’s Day, save for the fact that they are so close in proximity by date.

Valentine’s Day is for schlubs who give into the cookie-cutter cards and stale chocolate which tastes slightly similar to the faux guilded cardboard box it comes in. The redundantly boring schlubs who buy into, rather cheaply I might add, Valentine’s Day spend it whorishly with their schlubish wives. They slubishly watch rubbish tv shows like “Two and a Half Men” on separate, but just as ugly and drab, couches. One schlub falls asleep with plastic-like chocolate stuck in between incisors and molars, begging to be brushed, impending decay an afterthought. Such is the life of a schlub on Valentine’s Day.

Mistress Day is for the sugar baby who wants it all, and the sugar daddies who can provide it all. This holiday celebrates the most beautiful and powerful sexual prowess’s and their male admirers. The mistress doesn’t expect or strong arm a sugar daddy into lavishing her with extraneous gifts or experiences. She understands the power and sexual control she possesses and uses it wisely. Her life does not revolve around any man, men revolve around her. Sugar daddies fumble trying to gain her affections, showering her with as much as they can afford. They want to give everything to their mistress, the one they really love, because she doesn’t expect it and is humbled by appreciation. To set himself apart from the other SD’s vying for her attention, money is no object, and they all try to out-do each other, the result? A win-win for the mistress, who gets to have her sugar and eat it too.

Whether or not a sugar daddy has a mistress is of no concern to me, let’s instead focus on the facts surrounding V-Day:

1. Most men dread Valentine’s Day (obviously)
2. Most married men dread having to spend Valentine’s Day with their wives, especially if they are seeing other women
3. Most sugar babies choose a life outside the box of social norms, preferring not to celebrate an average holiday like Valentine’s Day
4. Men like to be appreciated and usually get jack-squat on V-Day… not to be confused with VD-Day, which, as you can imagine is probably not a fun holiday either
5. Men crave affection, adoration, and respect… all of which are forgotten on V-Day
6. Men love women who give back… almost as much as they love women who have little in the middle but they got much back
7. Women love men who get back to them for holidays…and who can get back behind them to do the dirty deeds

So, that said, need a date for Mistress Day? You’ve come to the right place my friends, I’ve got something in store for you.

Just like the rules of dating, there are some guidelines you can follow as a SB to make sugar daddy dating more satisfying. Most sugar daddies, like most men, fall into a few categories… Learn them, know them, use them, and love them (you’ll have them eating out of your hand in no time)

• The Married Sugar Daddy:

Married, children, white-picket fence, and who knows what else. Face it sugar babies, this man has another life, separate from you. Whatever the reason he is still married is of no concern to you—the reason he wants to be a sugar daddy? Now that’s the stuff we want to know! He’s clearly looking for something he’s not getting, that’s where you come in…

How to win him over:

Number one, discretion. Secondly, discretion. There’s not anything this man wouldn’t do to protect his brood, so you butting in on any account will give you a swift kick out of any chance you may have had. This includes but is not limited to: not wearing any scent of any kind, notorious red lipstick, cell phone calls/texts, personal emails, facebook messages, etc. he HAS to be in control of the contact situation) Take it easy, take it slow… Let him reveal to you what he needs that he’s not getting at home. Be his personal muse and capitalize on what “she” isn’t. Oh, and sugar babes, do not ever, ever, ever be jealous of his family (I mean come on, how old are we?)

• The Lonely/Needy Sugar Daddy:

Living a life mostly in solitude, this sugar daddy has quietly built his fortune, and sits on it in the comfort of his home. Sometimes called a “hermit,” this sugar daddy may be bursting at the seams to flex his monetary muscles to the first cutie patootie sugar baby who comes his way. Also note that this sugar daddy may have some awkwardness in most social situations.

How to win him over:

Show up…

I’m kidding, no, I’m not…okay okay, amidst my mania, I am trying to say that it won’t take much to win this type over, especially if you’re way hotter than he is. Now, just because you show up and he gives you the world, doesn’t mean that you should take full advantage of said “world domination.” Sometimes gifts and monetary exchanges from this sugar daddy can turn toward the creepy faster than you can say “I told you so”… Keep (real) personal details about yourself, personal… Trust me

• The Showoff Sugar Daddy:

This daddy spoils himself, his ladies, and throws money around and away like it’s toilet paper. He drives the showiest cars, likes to be seen, and usually likes the “going out” scene. He probably has multiple houses, sugar babies, and may be more high maintenance than any sugar baby could ever dream.

How to win him over:

Well if you weren’t on the cover of some magazine last month, you may not be this guy’s material. Don’t take it the wrong way, this guy is used to getting what he wants. Hot or not, this guy can pull any kind of ass he wants, so you may have to take the back seat. Take the hint if he doesn’t call you back, take the money if it’s offered. He’s an opportunist, you should be too. If in the unlikely event, you become a part of his daily or weekly schedule, work hard to keep yourself there, because like the words of Heidi Klum “One day you’re in, the next day, you’re out”

• The Businessman Sugar Daddy:

Mature, focused, driven and established, this sugar daddy needs to have some fun! Work, work, work keeps the money rolling in, but he’s going to have to blow off some steam, and you may be the right girl to do it for him! This daddy may also have work-related galas and the like, giving a young sugar baby the potential for a dress-up situation.

How to win him over:

Manners, proper etiquette, grammar, and some higher education to name a few. Even if you don’t have multiple degrees to match his IQ, simply getting up to date on socio-economical and political issues can aid in you catching the eye of this SD. Being well-travelled, or wanting to be can help pique this man’s interest in more than just your tush (as cute and tight as it is). If you attend any events with this sugar daddy, you’ll more than likely be approached and put on the spot more than once, so make sure you are well-spoken and bring out the wit guns. Also, note that you really should try not to embarrass this SD… I’ve already made that mistake for you many a time and the outcome is not favorable.

Those are but a few of the types of SD’s out there, have anything more to add? Let me know!

Thanksgiving puts me in the mood to say thanks to any and all things that make you go “hmmmmm”…. know what I mean? It’s the little things in life that really make me smile, bringing joy to my sugar baby life.

Things this sugar baby is thankful for:

Truvada (blue pill)- Thank you for being the first pre-exposure prophylaxis of its kind, available to men (not sugar daddies), especially men who cannot use condoms (See next item) because they sell sex, are in dire danger of prison rape, or are under pressure from partners to lose inhibitions when drunk or high. The cost? A mere $13,000 a year, and the benefit?

The Pope- Thanks for finally approving the use of condoms in some instances, like prostitution, regardless of gender; man, woman, or (somehow acknowledging existence of a third gender) transsexual. Clearly, a profound pontification for sugar babies and daddies abound.

Dictionary.com- thank you for loading your page, then somehow be able to tell me that; “Unfortunately, Dictionary.com is currently undergoing temporary difficulties to give you the definition of dire,” and to check somewhere else…yeah thanks, got it. Ha, and I thought sugar babies couldn’t spell!

Squinkies- It’s both fun to say your name and play with you. Thank you for being this Christmas’ sold out toy… Guess I’ll be heading to Fascinations instead.

F150’s (and larger trucks)- Sure, you could eat my car for a snack, but you really make me smile and giggle when you “gas it” next to me, making the statement that you will be first on the freeway, and first to the gas station, since you shat a few gallons of gas to do so…good for you asshole.

Mac- Thanks for providing a few months of fodder for T-mobile’s funny new TV commercials, where they boast about their 4G cellular network capabilities. Who cares, you’re still the best and you’ll always have the last laugh.

Groupon- Thanks for sounding so dirty and cheap, but feeling so good to use. You’re helping companies out, and, well…for putting an end to some, we all know they weren’t worth it anyway.

Fm radio- for being so terrible sometimes, that you force me into listening to public talk radio, eventually leading me to learn something like the good sugar baby I am.

MIKA- (youtube it for reference) for loving big beautiful women. If you weren’t gay, this sugar baby would let you poke me in the pooper. But since you are, we’d both have to take a Truvada, and you’d have to wrap it in rubber per the Pope to poke me.

Oh and I want to thank the kittens, for being so darn cute, cheers!

I’m Jus’ Sayin’

I love the notion that beauty can be defined in both mathematical and scientific terms. And while the fact of the matter may be that if you are in good physical shape and apply make-up to create the perception of symmetry, even though you weren’t graced with Heidi Klum’s genes, you can still be thought of as beautiful. Most women could work harder to be beautiful, some women don’t have to work for it at all, but maintaining it, however… Well that’s something every woman MUST do!

Its funny how, depending on what gene pool you were delivered from, women are absolute HATERS of those of us who simply try to be more beautiful or keep ourselves looking put together. What world do they live in? I mean, think about it, why does the human species even exist? And for that matter, why do other animal species exist? The answer is simple, albeit seemingly dumb, to reproduce.

I know I know, we’ve come so far, what with women’s rights and all the rest of that shit, how can we be reduced to being, you know– breeders? But I love how complex everything is now… How human beings have a whole slew of different reasons behind each decision and action they make. Yes, I agree that we have evolved into a species that has variety in its specimen. But no, just because psychology would have us believe we are more complex as a result of our individual upbringings doesn’t matter, we all end up wanting the same thing anyway…choosing a partner to reproduce with, and ultimately, pass our genetics on– it’s natural selection happening at its best!

Back to beauty though, our species like it and desire it, wanting to pass it on to their offspring. Beauty potentially weeds out disease and famine, wait…we want the famine, just not in the light history has shown it. Abnormally large eyes and pouty lips are both a sign of health and beauty. Men gravitate towards those things, beauty, it’s in their genetic code, remember? That’s why beautiful women get special treatment, because men want to pass on their genetic code through them, duh, it’s called: “Survival of the fittest….”

Anyway, now that you know the secret to a prosperous gene pool, and adhere to using the tools that can help you get there (you know– lip gloss, eye-shadow, THE GYM), you too can be a better, more beautiful version of yourself! Seriously though, the better you take care of yourself, the better you will get taken care of by others, and by de-fault, your partner… Or sugar daddy… Or what ever!

-Take my advice, I’m jus’ saying

Now, I’m not going to try to give you the “hard sell” on the positive aspects and lavish lifestyle that come with dating sugar daddies…instead,  I’m going to uncover and unveil the mysterious inner workings of an independent woman. Guess what, she’s not bionic–

The Paula Abdul song and saying, “Opposites Attract”…. Not really true, as catchy as it is, it’s a farce. Well, okay, so at times we may think we are attracted to aspects of people that we ourselves do not possess, because it’s different from what we know… But in the longer haul, (let’s say– years) opposites do not attract, especially not financial opposites, it’s the bane of most relationships.

It’s like the game of memory, cards that match “go together,” no?

Try to fit a square peg in a round hole—heh heh–  it just doesn’t work.. it’s ill-fitting…besides, square pegs don’t even look good in round holes, it’s just not harmonious…

I mean, you wouldn’t eat spaghetti with a skateboard now would you? No, because it’s not the tool for the job!

Feminists always strive for sexual equality in all aspects of their life, right? Au contraire, the one part they waver on? Wanting a man to take care of them in more ways than one!

Whoa, whoa, whoa…. Shocking I know, believe it!

Though not often discussed openly, strong and independent women do just fine in accepting a wealthy man’s secure lifestyle. We are led to believe that bold and independent women to not need financial security from a man.. And while logically that may be true, doesn’t a wealthy and successful man fit the successful woman better than the starving artist she has fallen for? The older, wiser man probably has similar spending habits as the independent successful female. These women rarely thrive in relationships with dead-beat, albeit lazy, starving artist-types with only LUUVE as the bottom line.

Yes, yes, yes…blasphemy for me to speak ill of love, but, having things in common doesn’t always mean “extracurricular activities” (although likeness in bedroom extracurricular activities is a definite must)… It can also mean, money spending habits, family values, and long-term goals..

Men and women get together for all sorts of reasons, too many to list and dissect…The point you ask? Yes, round pegs fit better in my round hole…(tee hee hee)

I receive emails from sugar babies daily, and one of the reoccurring questions that I get is, “When should I approach the subject of arrangements or money with my sugar daddy?”

Sometimes we are scared to bring up the subject of the said arrangement in sugar daddy dating. When that becomes the case, when nobody brings it up from the get-go, it can steer the relationship into awkward confusion before someone actually approaches the subject (phew)… The unfortunate part of that moment is there was probably too much time lapsed, then it can seem and feel as if you are breaking up with a significant other, confusing and futile.

Ideally, sugar daddies and babies are on the same page from the start, only touching on the subject shortly, which allows the happy couple to get back to enjoying each other’s company. Ha! If it were only that easy!

The traditional role of the sugar daddy is to provide financial security, where as the sugar baby brings the exuberant youth and charm.  Because of the role each plays, it’s only fitting that the sugar baby verbalizes she wants something of monetary value from her sugar daddy.

The best-case scenario if you, the sugar baby, are going to approach the subject of an arrangement and details is to vocalize your needs during the first meet and greet. Now when you go to make plans with your sugar daddy for that occasion, have the first meeting take place at a location that you can escape from easily. This may include pre-dinner drinks, coffee, or afternoon snack at a local eatery. Most sugar daddies are gentlemen who will want your suggestion, so make use of that opportunity.

When you are at the selected location to meet your potential sugar daddy, after you’ve ordered your drink and finished the small-talk, is when you can insert the topic of conversation, “the arrangement”. Segue the conversation by recounting which website you met through (you may need to remind them that you met on a sugar daddy website) and you just want to make sure you are on the same page as him. This is when you can ask him what kind of experience he is wanting from sugarsugar.com, what kind of woman he wants to spend time with, how often, in what capacity, and under what circumstances. And depending on his answer, you can tailor your response.

Let your SD say his piece, acknowledge what he’s looking for (this requires that you listen, not speak sugar babies), then tell him why you want to be his sugar baby. Explain to him what you ultimately want from this experience, both short and long-term (this is different for every sugar baby), and feel free to insert a dollar amount to quantify the cost of what you want, school, rent, bills, etc..

By the by, before the face to face encounter, you should know the cost of what you want, the actual dollar amount, not a vague ethereal idea.

For example: I would like to continue going to school to better myself and give back, but I would need $5500 this semester in order to do so.

Just like that, everything can be out in the open, done… If the conversation turns uncomfortable after that, then you both can go your separate ways. It’s like this: you can either come to an understanding and move forward with this sugar daddy, or, realize you both want different things, which is completely normal, and avoid uncomfortable interaction and wasted time.

I’m jus’ sayin’