If you post a photo of you and your kid as your main profile pic, you are 95% more likely to be passed over for your equal counterpart who DOES NOT have their child in their profile pic with them. Are those odds enough for your sugar babies to relieve your profiles of those photos? I sure hope so.

I mean, do you want to experience the world of sugar daddy dating or not? If you do, opt for those photos which hone in your own sexy prowess and keep the kid-friendly ones in their proper photo albums or scrap-book. Oh, and if you do “scrap-book”, I wouldn’t tell anyone that.

Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for… Sugar profiles exposed!! I gathered the most recent sugar babies with kiddie profiles to share with you… so, you’re welcome and enjoy!

Sugar Sugar Profiles Exposed!!

I like to call this one: Welcome to Disturbia.

As a sugar baby looking for a sugar daddy, this pic is all wrong. Cute baby, wrong venue. Not so cute mama, terrible tongue piercing. Got it? Sheesh!

I like to call this one: Monkey See, Mommy Do.

Just because your baby likes you does not mean that sugar daddy will like you, and showing a photo of your baby finding you amusing won’t convince anyone you actually are, amusing that is.

I like to call this one: Nice Tits, Kid.

If you’re going to have your tits out and stuff, and least crop your kid out of your photo, seriously. It really feels strange to ogle your large and in charge breasts only to see your kid in the shot, ew.

I like to call this one: Who’s Your Audience and What Does that Mean?

Think about it, who is looking at your profile? You want another baby daddy, sugar babe? Then go to findasugardaddyformybaby.com, then insert fingers into throat and puke because that’s all you got now.

I like to call this one: Who’s Your Daddy?

This one just creeps me out, who is this kid? And what is is mom thinking by putting him out there like this? Oh, and apparently sugar babes are getting older, sugar daddies getting younger.

The thing to think about when choosing photos for your sugar daddy dating escapades is, if I were a sugar daddy, would I find that attractive? Answer: You can never know what it feels like to be a sugar daddy, so your answer is always no. No you would not find that attractive and no you won’t be a sugar daddy anytime soon. Did you want to say “yes” to either? Be sure to check out chickswithdicks.com for more details regarding the dating lifestyle to fit your needs.

I’m jus’ sayin’, eloquently I’m sure.

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]]> http://www.sugarsugar.com/blog/sugar-babys-babies-do-not-belong/feed 2 http://www.sugarsugar.com/blog/sugar-baby-said-what http://www.sugarsugar.com/blog/sugar-baby-said-what#comments Wed, 27 Apr 2011 23:47:30 +0000 Elle http://www.sugarsugar.com/blog/?p=1353 When you join a sugar daddy dating website, what do you expect to find? The love of your life? A quick and hopefully painless one night stand? No matter the reason, sugar daddies and babies are everywhere. What are you writing in your profile to tell people who you are and what you are looking for? You are very fun and you like to have fun? Here’s what past sugar daddies had to say…

Before There Was Sugar Sugar

Are you aggressive? Do you use strong words to convey what you are looking for? As part of a daily occurrence, I came across some awesome profiles! Amazing photos and words I thought I’d share with you. They are WHAT NOT TO DO– thanks for letting me get that out, no more caps, I promise. The following profile excerpts are what not to do and why: (Oh, and to turn this blog into a drinking game, every time someone says “fun“– you must take a drink… I promise the article will be funnier too)

NSA Sugar Daddy John

“Bought out by major auto company. Got a part time job for fun. Like golf, skating ,keeping busy. Not a fat ass or pervert or wierdo, just a little shy I guess. I’m thinkin’ maybe drop by or get together a couple times a month or so. 100 bucks an hour for an hour , maybe 2. Have a cocktail, fool around, a little sex, fun and then just go on your way.”

Wow, what a romantic…

That’s Basically It Sugar Baby

“I Love to sing, dance and Laugh and have fun … I also like fashion & switching up my hair styles.. Last But Not Least I’m a Certifed Phlebotomist.. And that’s Basically it..”

That’s basically it? Well, that’s not very interesting. What is going on with this sugar baby’s photo? That may be the ultimate in unflattering photo angles.

Sugar Baby Means Business

“.people say i look like Julia styles, funny we share the same birth date shes 3 years older yet no relation. small world huh. I am going to be blunt cuz its what i do best …..i need to get on my own two feet and i need some help getting there. I am smart and cut through bullshit like a hot knife through butter. I can be your best friend or your worst enemy but i stand my ground and do what i need to do to survive. I am looking for a plutonic financial helper…the rewards are great  i am a great dinner guest fun and someone to spend time with ….if your looking for fun and someone to fuck wrong gal not into it for this not going to happen. I need a temporary helper one whome can get me where i need to be, i am a great companion and will have you on the floor laughing if you have a good sence of humor. Ill say it like this the economy sucks, and i need help to get what i need done done. i need a helper whose willing to pay me for my time….not services i will not sell my body my mind or soul its already taken. i need a temp arrangement where its plutonic and mutually agreed. what i am willing to offer in return for money is the following. a plutonic dinner guest for fun, a house sitter/cleaner. someone who can make you laugh and smile and be everything you want in a girl , just no sex no action sorry gentleman with all do respect i prize my body and its not up for sale.”

I’m glad she’s looking for a plutonic helper, a temp plutonic helper, a temp arrangement. Just don’t fuck with her, or fuck her, either way, she’ll cut you like a hot knife through butter!

Homeless With a Computer and a Plan

“got out a bad relationship ex beat me and wouldn’t let me have anything so am on the streets with nothing and no money.”

Ahem– and a baby?!? I’m speechless.

Brunette Sugar Baby Wants

This came straight from the horses mouth:

“iam a simple girl smart ,comique ,romantic and very honest

and i love people

i can do my best for help people and have fun

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

alot of things and i dont want describe it

im a brunette who likes to have funn and i can b a real bitch if you cross me

call me when needed  have fun pay me n never forget ur day”

Does anyone know what’s going on in this photo, what does it even say about this sugar baby? Anyone? Anyone? Yes, it simply states that she doesn’t give a shit and doesn’t want you to either.

No Strings Attached to Anything SB

Oh yeah– that’s a real photo. A really bad photo of a sugar baby… I think.

“NO SEX!!! OF ANY TYPE… I am willing to give my time and effort to make you happy though. so yeah if you are interested in fun email me.
im nice and sweet and kind but can get mean when stepping on my toes… I’m a very lovely woman and a queen and wants to be treated like one!!!”

Another Great Profile

“In my free time, I’m always reading new textbooks (I’m a dork!) or working out and having fun, which I do every weekday. Any other time is spent working as a technician or acting or singing. I’m a natural mezzo-soprano and I love to sing Christmas carols and have fun

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”

Nice. Have fun.

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Even though these men aren’t technically daddies to these young women, they spoil, pamper and indulge them – thus giving them their fashionable title: Sugar Daddies.

Celebrities aren’t exempt from the “robbing the cradle” syndrome. With celebrities like Kelsey Grammer and Charlie Sheen trending their indulgent relationships with women eons younger, top sugar dating website, SugarSugar.com has compiled a list of the Top 10 Celebrity Sugar Daddies of the Century. From legendary actors to billionaire moguls and mongrels, these men are notorious for their hunger and appetite for young, vivacious females…

Hugh Hefner – The self proclaimed and perpetuated #1 Sugar Daddy of all time, 84 year-old playboy Hugh Hefner has an arsenal and collection of Sugar Babies, all locked away in his mansion.  The mogul (and sometimes mongrel) recently popped the question to 24 year-old Crystal Harris.

Donald Trump – Affectionately known as “The Donald”, but I prefer to calling him, “The Don”, this billionaire is nearly 25 years older than his wife Melania Knauss-Trump. Good thing she doesn’t mind the golden feathers on top!

Charlie Sheen – When you make $1.5 million per episode of Two and a Half Men, you’re able to splurge on things like beautiful young porn stars, drugs, lavish hotel parties with strippers., and more drugs. Just ask the MaSheen, duh- WINNING!

Mick Jagger – World renowned for his large gaping mouth and string of affairs, this rock legend has several children by multiple sugar-baby-baby’s mamas. He still Can’t get no satisfaction?

Tiger Woods – Young to the sugar daddy industry, second to golf. This white-balled superstar is a Sugar Daddy on the rise, recently ending his marriage, paying millions of dollars for it, and coming to a night hot spot near you!

Tiki Barber – Giants football legend, Tiki Barber, left his pregnant wife of 11 years for a much younger and blonder intern at a TV station where he was employed. Messed up his life? Well, he is talking about returning to the grid from retirement..

William Randolph Hearst – Possibly one of the earliest recorded practitioners of the Sugar Daddy movement, this media mogul openly lived with his 21 year-old mistress, hear that? Openly

Woody Allen – Perhaps one of the most notorious Sugar Daddies, this film icon married his *daughter, Soon-Yi Previn, giving Sugar Daddy a more appropriate meaning.*Adopted daughter…but still!

Kelsey Grammer – This TV marvel certainly has a way with women. His engagement to 24 year-old Kate Walsh landed him an offer as SugarSugar.com spokesperson.

John F. Kennedy – Charming, rich and powerful, it has been reported that this former US President had affairs with numerous young women including White House workers, Gangsters’ girlfriends, staff members, reporters, and Movie stars.

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As sexy sugar baby co-eds know, Spring Break means one thing, PARTY!!

Looking to do something special for your sugar baby du jour on her Spring Break? Take it from me, your sexy co-ed wants a wee-bit more than a dinner out to satisfy her carnal, (scratch that), expensive and peculiar needs.

I have one question for you wannabe sugar daddies:

Do you have what it takes?

Review this checklist to see if you are ready to show your co-ed the time of her life for Spring Break!!

Do you plan on, or are you currently (for the week of Spring Break):

• Equipped. Having enough dough to line the inside of, and fill your Bentley (or Chrysler equivalent)

• Able to possess the energy and ability to go at it, in the bedroom or otherwise– All night, all day, or not at all, (if your sugar baby co-ed refrains from being anywhere near your *old saggy balls)

• Taking time out of your big-boy work schedule to cater to the unwavering needs of your attention-starved sugar baby for one whole week

• Unattached. Or at least unattached enough to turn off your electronic device, the one fielding calls from your wife or worse, other women. If you’ve never experienced jealousy from a sugar baby co-ed, now is not the time. Trust me…

• In-shape, or have the appearance of being in-shape. Co-eds can talk a mile a minute, walk a mile a minute, and shop even faster– You’re gonna want to keep up!

• Have an emergency fund and escape route planned. You don’t want to be left high and dry if your co-ed turns out to be a vicious monster cloaked in candy-coated sexiness

• Cool and confident. Desperation doesn’t look good on you either, sugar daddy! If you aren’t confident in yourself as a man, then pretend, please, for the love of God. Seasoned sugar babies, co-ed or not, can sense insecurity like they can spot  a juicy couture track-suit.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get to the good stuff…

What to do with your sexy sugar baby during Spring Break is purely up to you. Lost for ideas? Here are a few which have been beta-tested and approved by other sugar babies:

• Role-play. Install dungeon-like apparatuses and lock her up in your mansion as your slave. Feed her what you want, when you want, and make sex with her when she least expects it. When your done, throw her a bone and take her shopping for being a good sport.

• Get away. Take your sexy co-ed to her favorite exotic location or your favorite quiet one. Creep out or impress your sugar baby with your magic boy scout skills. Whittle a handbag out of a stump or hunt to kill a dozen Meerkats for a shrug, not an elephant for sport, (death in the name of fashion can be seen as couth).

• Sunbathe. Beach abode or pool-side retreat, sexy co-eds worship the sun, now it’s time for them to worship you! Provide your sexy co-ed with a sunny-side up break and she’ll bask in the glory of being 10 shades darker than all her friends.

• Mexico. What happens there, stays there, everyone knows that! Use the tool of discretion to your advantage by taking advantage, AND spend much less money shopping, (you can still impress your sugar baby by dropping millions of pesos)

You are armed with the knowledge of how to show your sexy co-ed sugar baby a great time during spring break while avoiding common mistakes other sugar daddies make.

Build it and they will cum.

Like magic grow toys being 6000x their size with water, watch your sugar baby do the same with monetary gifts!

Set the stage for a sugar baby to succeed and she will go wild!!

View her profile here: www.SugarSugar.com/Kacey_Jordan

Want to be her sugar daddy? You’ll have to sign up at SugarSugar.com

Want to Vote for Kacey as the Mistress of the Millennium? CLICK HERE

(Pre-game Commentary: Brace yourself, your eyes might bleed and you may grit your teeth. Oh yeah and FYI, the photos of: Sarah Palin, Crystal Harris (Hugh Hefner’s fiancé), Miley Cyrus, and Natalie Portman are not the ‘actual’ photos of the highlighted profiles)

“The Age of Good, Evil, and Bi-polar Disorder”

Who I am:

im currently working at a daycare . i will be goin to (name of school) in about 6months . im nice but at the same time i can be rude . i can get angry at times but it will be a reason . very loving , outgoing , mature & trying to better myself in life . i am by FAR a gold digger i just want a guy who knows how to treat and take care of their woman while at the same time im on my shit .

Who I’m Seeking:

a guy who buys me anything i ask for no matter the cost of it . i dont ask for much at all it just when i do ask , i ask for big things . i dont have a specific type as long as you can do what i ask and i do what you ask ….if i can do it .

(Side-note Commentary: SO… Apparently, she’s nice, but at the very same time, can be rude. She can get angry, but it’s for a reason. She’s very loving. She is (verbatim), by FAR a gold digger, while at the same time she’s on her shit (?). She wants a man to buy her anything, regardless of cost. She doesn’t ask for much, but when she does, watch out because they are BIG things. Do what she asks, and she’ll do what you ask, if she can. Wow, my head hurts for the sugar daddy who takes her on! Oh wait, forgive me, she must be harmless– she works at a daycare center!)

“Cipher This One and She’s Yours”

Who I am:

Hi all, iam avery horny lady, funny and outgoing, i do not like very crowded places, loves to dnace a lot, i mean any kind of dance, im down to earth, and i do not judge anyone so i dont like to be judged. i think i make friends easily, though i may be shy at first, (email)  I love having fun with my rocket mail, havent had it for some years now. the last word being com, i cant remember the last time i did have fun. i have lots to give, i just never gotten anyone to give it to yet.hope this is the place for me and him to find each other.

(Side-note Commentary: Though the way in which she embedded her profile with her email address is almost clever, the information surrounding it is uninteresting at best. I love the mixture of progression and transgression; if it were actually readable, this is what it would say: “Hi, I’m horny, funny and outgoing. I do not like crowded places, but I love to dance a lot, and by dancing, I mean any kind of dancing. I can’t remember the last time I had fun.” Still not interested? Yeah, no kidding!)

“A Bad Case of Poor Text Acronyms and Grammar”

Who I am:

Im a 21 year old female who lyks 2 have fun nd who lyks 2 b wild if u lyk wat u c let me know nd we kan work sumthing out

Who I’m Seeking:

anytime anywhere iz fine with me so hyt me up nd let me know wat u think

(Side-note Commentary: Let spell-check work for you, please. Text-talk is not cute when it’s not in a text, or if it doesn’t make sense, or if it’s made up—or at all u guys!)

“Please Help, So She Can Fix Up Her Page”

Who I am:

a layed back person I have always taken care of myself. I want a man who wants to take care of me, I love attention and I don’t  lye I love beautiful things, So I feel it is up to the person on how it goes. and really just  tryin 2 c wat dis page is a but and just tryin 2 meet new ppl and good friends

Who I’m Seeking:

really dont know wat 2 say just ask and i waill tell u well dats if i stay on here i really hope i find sum kool ppl so i can fix my page up

(Side-note Commentary:  Oh jeez, where to begin… From what I can tell, she doesn’t ‘lye’ she likes beautiful things. Other than that, she doesn’t really know what she’s doing on the site or what she wants, and actually, I don’t think she knows much of anything. Oh, BUT—she hopes to find some cool people so she can ‘fix her page up’ What the fuck does that even mean? She cannot write anything better until she meets ‘sum kool’ people? Fuck me!)

Post-game Commentary: Phew, sorry I dragged you through that! Did you just feel like you had all of your limbs cut off by reading that? Me too— but I take it you get the picture. I was kind of hoping that this would be the “What not to Wear” of online sugar dating. If my aim was off, it is probably because I have a higher IQ than you do, and the things I find humorous are over your head.

Happy Sugar Dating!

Thanksgiving puts me in the mood to say thanks to any and all things that make you go “hmmmmm”…. know what I mean? It’s the little things in life that really make me smile, bringing joy to my sugar baby life.

Things this sugar baby is thankful for:

Truvada (blue pill)- Thank you for being the first pre-exposure prophylaxis of its kind, available to men (not sugar daddies), especially men who cannot use condoms (See next item) because they sell sex, are in dire danger of prison rape, or are under pressure from partners to lose inhibitions when drunk or high. The cost? A mere $13,000 a year, and the benefit?

The Pope- Thanks for finally approving the use of condoms in some instances, like prostitution, regardless of gender; man, woman, or (somehow acknowledging existence of a third gender) transsexual. Clearly, a profound pontification for sugar babies and daddies abound.

Dictionary.com- thank you for loading your page, then somehow be able to tell me that; “Unfortunately, Dictionary.com is currently undergoing temporary difficulties to give you the definition of dire,” and to check somewhere else…yeah thanks, got it. Ha, and I thought sugar babies couldn’t spell!

Squinkies- It’s both fun to say your name and play with you. Thank you for being this Christmas’ sold out toy… Guess I’ll be heading to Fascinations instead.

F150’s (and larger trucks)- Sure, you could eat my car for a snack, but you really make me smile and giggle when you “gas it” next to me, making the statement that you will be first on the freeway, and first to the gas station, since you shat a few gallons of gas to do so…good for you asshole.

Mac- Thanks for providing a few months of fodder for T-mobile’s funny new TV commercials, where they boast about their 4G cellular network capabilities. Who cares, you’re still the best and you’ll always have the last laugh.

Groupon- Thanks for sounding so dirty and cheap, but feeling so good to use. You’re helping companies out, and, well…for putting an end to some, we all know they weren’t worth it anyway.

Fm radio- for being so terrible sometimes, that you force me into listening to public talk radio, eventually leading me to learn something like the good sugar baby I am.

MIKA- (youtube it for reference) for loving big beautiful women. If you weren’t gay, this sugar baby would let you poke me in the pooper. But since you are, we’d both have to take a Truvada, and you’d have to wrap it in rubber per the Pope to poke me.

Oh and I want to thank the kittens, for being so darn cute, cheers!

I’m Jus’ Sayin’

1. You are the mistress of your own sugar voyage, take charge.
2. Act in every sugar role like you’ll win an Emmy, and like it’s your last.
3. Don’t call, don’t text, and never show up unwarranted by your sugar daddy.
4. Emphatically say “yes” to trips, gifts, allowance, and monies in general. Or at the very least, learn to quickly.
5. Always look your best, whether you’re grocery shopping, working out, or sleeping… (Hey- you never know if a hot burglar will interrupt your slumber)
6. Falsies are king! (Eyelashes that is…ahem)
7. Let your sugar daddy teach you something of quantified value (Or pretend to let him if you “know it all” already)
8. Understand and live by the notion that there are enough sugar daddy matches out there for you not to put up with subpar treatment.
9. Know your way around manual transmissions and fine automobiles in general (Or learn fast). You never know when you’ll be asked to take the wheel, in which you should leave a lasting impression, and a little rubber as well!!
10. Invest in yourself…your looks…your health…your well being…and your future! It will ALWAYS pay off!

I’m Jus’ Sayin’

–SugarSugar

The theory here is that the more handbags a sugar baby owns, the crazier she may be. Now, this is not an exact science, persay, but I can say with some certainty that this almost always works. If you do not get to count fast enough before your sugar baby enters the room, she has too many…Stop what you are doing, get your keys, and leave (Do you really want this one to take you for a ride?). And sugar babies, hide your bags! You don’t want your sugar daddy to see them, and you certainly don’t want someone to break in and steal them! Believe me, I was robbed a few months ago and replacing those yummy calf skin handbags is easier said than done! (Especially if you’re like me and you enjoy purchasing hard-to-find rarities from the beloved Marc Jacobs/Louis Vuitton collection)

The other way of discovering the ‘crazy’ in your sugar baby is by the amount of leopard print items she owns and wears.

Well, not even wears…Shoot, even if she sleeps in leopard print sheets you should be wary. Leopard print is what a yellow light turning red is to drivers. Halt! Stop!

“Turn back before it’s too late!” (a line from Labyrinth)

Think about it, everything comes in leopard print now..I’m even wearing leopard printed jimmy choos as I blog. For me however, the key is to match up key pieces with leopard print accents, that’s all! You won’t find me getting dressed in my leopard print bra and matching thong, putting on a leopard print dress with matching shoes, getting in my car with leopard printed car seat covers, putting on my leopard printed sunnies, as I drive off talking on my cell phone with the leopard printed protective covering. Nope, not me…Everyone is a little crazy, I admit, but sugar daddies will never know as long as you conceal your handbags and put away your leopard print..

Do it, hide it, these are our ‘tells’ of amounts of crazy that we posess…Keep it to yourself! I’m jus’ sayin’

–SugarSugar

To answer the first question, I believe that men are just naturally polygamous. Since ancient times, history tells us about kings, emperors, pharaohs, and their numerous concubines. Young and sexy beautiful women have always been the weakness of men. A classic example is the biblical figure called Samson. And for a more recent example, who could forget about former President Bill Clinton.

My answer to the second question is, it’s not that a sugar daddy is not happy with his wife anymore. If he were, divorce papers would probably be ready and just waiting for the John Hancocks. But no… most sugar daddies still love their wives. They just want to have someone younger to play with. And there are times that there’s something wifey doesn’t want to do which sugar baby is pretty much willing to do.

As for families, I think sugar daddies love their families despite the fact that they’re playing around with younger women and looking for threesomes of one form or another. These are the sugar daddies who just enter mutually beneficial relationships for the excitements and joy a sugar baby can bring. They’re not actually hoping to leave their families and make a new ones.

Now that you know a bit more about how to be a sugar daddy, or why someone is a sugar daddy, it’s time to try it yourself! So if you are a sugar daddy seeking a mutually beneficial relationship with a younger woman, go check us out. You’ll find plenty of young and beautiful sexy women in there seeking for the same thing.